We hear this all the time..."It's, like, well, we went to, like, the mall." Did you or did you not go to the mall", is the question. Was it a real experience or "like" a real experience?
I don't know about you, but as a voice coach and a promoter of excellent speaking (in everyday conversation and in one's professional world), it drives me a little batty to hear "like" twice or more in one sentence when that word is not being used to point out a simile. As a voice therapist and psychotherapist, I hear something else going on other than a popular speech pattern being used; at least I think something else is going on, and I usually inquire at some appropriate point. The inquiry is about what in reality is painful or being moved away from, for some reason. "Like" is a step removed from "what is." When something is "like" something else, it is similar...not the same, not quite the real thing.
One day I sat with a young client who was describing a difficult interraction with her family. "Like" was front and center, all over the description. I could barely concentrate on what was being said, for "like" appeared about every fifth word. After she'd had a chance to 'download' the experience, I asked her if she thought she'd become aware of or expressed her deepest feelings about what had happened. She was quiet and then said, "No...because if I did, I think I'd explode!" She was absolutely furious with them. She was angry with herself that she hadn't found a way to take care of herself more than she had amidst the relating. And, under the anger, we discovered, was enormous pain. "Like" signaled me to listen for what was not being said about her deeper inner reality; I thought that it must be quite painful, also, since "like" was so predominant, telling us she'd moved away and away and away from what was most real for her.
She later asked me how I knew she had other deep feelings that remained unexpressed during the description of the interraction; I told her that I thought her frequent use of the word, "like" told me she was several steps away from what was most real and difficult for her to feel and name...her real anger and her real and deep pain. My client then said shethought she was using "that word" a lot and didn't know why. She felt embarrassed to use it so much, even though she felt compelled to do so.
We talked about "like" as something she could now utilize---it could become a noticing tool for her: if she could hear herself saying "like" more than once in a conversation, then at some point in the near future, she'd know to go inside herself and see what she might be truly feeling, truly thinking, truly experiencing. "Like," seen in this light, could be utilized as a beacon to illuminate the reality of her inner world. It was an important clue.
For many of us, hearing "like" used a lot in a sentence, interrupts the flow of conversation and is very distracting. The real meaning of what needs to be said seems hidden. If you find yourself in this spot, listening to "like" a lot, you might simply inquire in a respectful way, as to what is truly meant or felt. Some young folks do not realize that more is being expressed than simply a repeated and popular "speech pattern"---they are hiding truth. It is a powerful communicator. Perhaps we can encourage them or anyone who uses "like" a lot, to speak their truth and tell us what they really mean. The truth (as we know), can actually "set us free."
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