I promised I'd discuss this frequently used phrase, "Ya-no," or "You know." Here we go.
What is it that "you know?" When someone is talking or speaking along, you know, and then you hear that phrase, did you know that you're being unconsciously asked to know something that has not been spoken? The speaker may be expecting or hoping that you will know something extra about what is being said, without designating just exactly what that is. It is a form of expected familiarly and unconscious communication. It can also simply be an unfortunate speaking habit that annoys others.
Several years ago, when I was only practicing depth psychotherapy (not yet a life coach), I read several pieces of analytic material that suggested (1) the speaker saying "you know" hopes you'll know (without saying so), or (2) the speaker wants the listener to do the work of filling in the blanks...the "ya-no or you know" part. I think I'll vote for #1 and the hope factor, rather than accusing the speaker of boycotting work. Even if work is avoided, I think there is considerable hope outweighing avoidance; it's o.k. to hope someone knows what we mean. Isn't this, after all, one of the deepest, most profound things we humans want: to be understood. Even if we say "you know" in a way that might annoy the listener.
Me, personally, I truly do want to know. If you are speaking with me and I'm listening to you, be sure to take your time, feeling free to truly say what it is you hope I'll know. Even though I'm highly intuitive and imaginative (I often guess well what it is one hopes I do know that they don't overtly say), I'd rather hear it from you for accuracy's sake. And, it might be great practice and permission for you to speak fully and candidly about what you want the rest of us to know. You know, don't you.
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